Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Laying on a 2x8 board, speeding through the air like a witch. The sky a soft blue. I'm flying over a highway that is curvy, but I am using all my will to balance this board straight as an arrow. If I tip it I'll tumble into a vortex of air that will shoot me somewhere, my dream mind does not know. I am aware my only purpose is to keep this board flat and maintain speed. Korlyn suddenly appears to my left side near my legs. On the periphery. She is using only her body, in a vertical stance, at my speed but floating. She says, "Mommy" and goes to touch my back. I tell her not to touch me because I'll tip. She disappears, returns and wants my attention. I am so focused on staying on the board, maintaining this speed. 

Thoughts upon waking: Wondering, well, what was I maintaining that speed for. Maybe tumbling out would not lead to some unknown demise but instead something greater, but in my need to control my speed and position, I missed out. Maybe that is what Korlyn was trying to get my attention for. Lately time with my kids seems to be racing by, the precipice of Cole becoming an adult and transitioning from our home leaves me often anxious and in tears. What did I miss out on with him? It's a gnawing feeling. Maybe I don't need to fret on time speeding by, trying to only balance in one place, but focus instead on the beauty that surrounds that road. The road is just the time, but what surrounds it is the life.  

I am fading again into a dream state away from my woken thoughts about the prior dream. Again I am at high speed but balancing my body over mounds of earth covered by a thin veil of water. Crashing waves of ocean against the slope on either side of the mounds of earth. Similar to barefoot skiing, except I cannot feel the water. It's beyond smooth, like it's part of my being. It's carrying me this time, but I am still cautious of tumbling to the side, into the waves, the unknown. The veil of water is creamy feeling now, sharp reflections, icy blue. The sun is shining brilliantly and the air is warm. In this dream I am able to see a 180 degree view and I slowly look down to the waves, up to the sun and around to the vast blue. The same soft blue as my last dream.

Thoughts upon waking: Somethings constant like the soft blue sky. The feeling of moving at high speeds to an invisible goal. The feeling of slowing down and noticing. The feeling of coming off tilter. The feeling of being challenged and surrounded by care. The variable of time and space. Changes to the scenery. What I notice and what I don't. 

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