Friday, September 29, 2023

The Giant Wolf

 Wolf Dream- In a parking lot and dusk is at the verge of becoming dark. A streetlight comes on as I walk out of a one-story industrial building, like a school. An animal I think is a horse rubs its head against my neck, like a pet dog would. I nuzzle with it for few moments. Its fur is soft and sleek, and the animal is warm. Jason smiles from across the parking lot saying I like the animal. He is attempting to warn me to stay calm. I take a few steps and the animal wraps its front legs around my arm holding me from moving any further. It nuzzles my head again and softly bites down on the back of my head, its teeth reaching past the diameter of my head. The animal is intent on keeping me where I am, not to hurt me but to keep me aware.

I realize this is not a horse, but a very tall and large WOLF!

I am terrified to move, but I try inching towards Jason who cannot understand or hear me say it's a wolf and to help. I keep trying to move but she holds me tighter between her legs and gnaws slightly at my head. I inch ever so slightly, and the wolf moves with me slowly so that I finally make it close to Jason. I tell him to help me. He says to me that I am alright. I'm afraid if I move quickly the wolf will eat me. I suddenly feel trapped and internally panic while keeping my body still. I make eye gestures at Jason, and he finally understands I want to be free. A man in all white with black gloves, and large round swimming goggles, appears. He pulls a white cloth over his head, and I awake. The wolf is gone. 

Interpretation- Before bed I wrote a creative intention list. Something to remind myself to believe in, to focus on. Having all these ideas and at the same time paralysis about initiating. This is what I read about wolf dreams after. 

-offer the gift of strength, freedom and the ability to fiercely protect that which is dear to us. Invite us to claim back our own power, to run freely and live our most authentic life possible, without fear, without shackles, without shame.

-fighting with a wolf represents an internal conflict about growth you are experiencing. "Limiting your success by fighting to stay in your comfort zone". 

-energetic health and the ability to express spiritual passions in physical world

-large wolf represents the overwhelming psychic and intuitive energies and to trust intuition

-biting means being hard on yourself or self-sabotaging

info credited to

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Laying on a 2x8 board, speeding through the air like a witch. The sky a soft blue. I'm flying over a highway that is curvy, but I am using all my will to balance this board straight as an arrow. If I tip it I'll tumble into a vortex of air that will shoot me somewhere, my dream mind does not know. I am aware my only purpose is to keep this board flat and maintain speed. Korlyn suddenly appears to my left side near my legs. On the periphery. She is using only her body, in a vertical stance, at my speed but floating. She says, "Mommy" and goes to touch my back. I tell her not to touch me because I'll tip. She disappears, returns and wants my attention. I am so focused on staying on the board, maintaining this speed. 

Thoughts upon waking: Wondering, well, what was I maintaining that speed for. Maybe tumbling out would not lead to some unknown demise but instead something greater, but in my need to control my speed and position, I missed out. Maybe that is what Korlyn was trying to get my attention for. Lately time with my kids seems to be racing by, the precipice of Cole becoming an adult and transitioning from our home leaves me often anxious and in tears. What did I miss out on with him? It's a gnawing feeling. Maybe I don't need to fret on time speeding by, trying to only balance in one place, but focus instead on the beauty that surrounds that road. The road is just the time, but what surrounds it is the life.  

I am fading again into a dream state away from my woken thoughts about the prior dream. Again I am at high speed but balancing my body over mounds of earth covered by a thin veil of water. Crashing waves of ocean against the slope on either side of the mounds of earth. Similar to barefoot skiing, except I cannot feel the water. It's beyond smooth, like it's part of my being. It's carrying me this time, but I am still cautious of tumbling to the side, into the waves, the unknown. The veil of water is creamy feeling now, sharp reflections, icy blue. The sun is shining brilliantly and the air is warm. In this dream I am able to see a 180 degree view and I slowly look down to the waves, up to the sun and around to the vast blue. The same soft blue as my last dream.

Thoughts upon waking: Somethings constant like the soft blue sky. The feeling of moving at high speeds to an invisible goal. The feeling of slowing down and noticing. The feeling of coming off tilter. The feeling of being challenged and surrounded by care. The variable of time and space. Changes to the scenery. What I notice and what I don't. 

Thursday, April 9, 2020

The Challenger

sketch of alligator from dream

Once again I dream of alligators...many years later. One of the first dreams I wrote of here and the last I left before I left this space....holding a place for me to come back.

I have a friend who read my blog this year and has continued to encourage me to write. For longer than I should have abandoned something I enjoyed, I find that I return with more of a need, or desire, or want than just pure enjoyment of writing. I feel a need to express, and which exemplified itself in recent dreams. I read in Spirits of the Earth, A Guide to Native American Symbols, Stories  and Ceremonies, by Bobby Lake- an alligator is a sign of a "challenger"

The scene is the back of a house on the outside of the fence to the yard and I am looking up at the back porch. Everything around me is murky brown save for the lone light bulb hanging heavy with moths flitting back and forth against its glow. I am physically on the outside of the fence and I put one eye to a hole in the wood and like miraculous vision I can see the whole yard. It's filled with water. Water is an element I often dream about in so many forms. It accompanies me to work out the depths of my inner dialogue.

So here I am in this scenario. In a yard filled with swampy water. I feel his heavy presence. This alligator has been waiting on me, a sense I pick up on within this dream.

I have to cross a yard filled with water. If you can imagine filling your backyard with water then you would imagine it filled with grass, leaves and the opaque color of dirt. It's filthy and he's lurking in the corner. I have to get to my mom for some reason. It's not apparent in this dream but it's necessary. I look to the lit up porch once more and I can hear faint music and talking. No one knows I am here, facing this challenge.

Like the game of Pacman, if I swim the alligator moves slowly towards my direction. I freeze. He stops, turns his eye in my direction. We keep up this game of cat and mouse, inch by inch. I can feel my heart pounding. I wonder after I wake if it was actually rapid in my sleep state.

My last approach is to jump up on the porch, which will cause commotion. The risk; Stay where I am temporarily safe, but with mounting pressure, or leap to something calling me, not sure what it's about, only that it's necessary.

The challenger. I take the risk. I leap to the porch and as in a cliché movie scene, I jump and the alligators snaps, clamping down hard on its own teeth. He fails to connect falling back to the murky water and I make it to the porch. People rush out at the sudden noise and grab my arms. I wake suddenly. Not necessarily at peace, but moody about the alligator and water symbol. They won't leave me alone. Alligator and Water. Challenger and Change. I'm am wrestling with these two and I will have to seek them out and face them now.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


I walk into what resembles a mansion-stark white walls, ceilings high-though I never look up.

This place is like being on the inside of a cube with the walls cutout in many perfect rectangles.

I am walking along narrow pathways that lead between the doorways, the bottom of the cube floor missing; and moving below cerulean blue water. The marine blue is a brilliant contrast against the immaculate, chalk white walls.

I am shocked when a flash of grass green leaps from the water and I hear a significant snap sound. I look at my bare feet and a baby alligator is slipping back into the water. I notice then these narrow pathways are tested by alligators ranging in size and shades of green. I continue walking though consciously aware of my balance-the tiny alligators continue to leap and fall from the surface of the water, as the larger, more powerful continue to stew below. I stop cold, eyes on the end of the path, but my body at the beginning.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


 I love pondering over dreams, partly because my dreams are often wild and fantastic, and telling. Life floods the mind with a wide spectrum of wondering and emotion, and this consciousness also stirs within the concoction of my night dreams. I go inward alot. I think I may spend most my time there, so when I express myself in writing it's like I have been jolted out of a sleep. Dreams become a foggy haze of a place to be explored- and now, in this same hazy place, a creative and passionate being  hidden in slumber has been found and shaken to awake and asked to take form.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Variable String

I often wonder about dreams.
I've read through dream books that provide insight and meaning to the mystery of dreams during sleep, like for flying ones or ones with unending rooms in a house, or the repetitive dream. The repetitive one is the biggest mystery to me-at least the one I had when I was a child.
However, in this blog I would like to go further with my dreams and document the variable string that attaches my dreaming state to my waking life. I know there is the understanding that our daily life affects the images and material that become our dreams, where when we fall to sleep the soul works through the brain by use of the self conscious.
But have you ever come up with an invention in your sleep? Have you ever fallen in love or swam across the ocean or suddenly knew how to play piano? Have you ever waken and made it a must to explore your dreams...literally? Maybe our dreams are not only about working through what is going on in our lives presently, but cris-crossing through our life-past, present, and future- and presenting our deep, authentic self as well. Maybe our dreams uniquely show some of our wants and desires while sleeping, as if to say, something in this dream could be the beginning to a waking dream~lived out loud.